Outrage

So, the makers of the Monopoly board game have retired the token shaped like an iron and replaced it with a…cat?!?

Personal disclosure: whenever I play Monopoly – I admit, it’s been quite a while - I always choose the iron. I admire its simplicity, its sturdy utilitarianism, its reflection of the virtues of domestic tidiness and order. And now, a cat, forsooth! The living, breathing apotheosis of cranky narcissism, the symbol par excellence of bewhiskered anarchy, the shedding, dander-broadcasting hypocrite that will purr and rub against your leg one moment, and bury its claws in your ankles the next.

What enormity can we expect from Hasbro down the road? Will they replace the top hat with a baseball cap? Will the exquisitely attired Rich Uncle Pennybags be pensioned off for a geekish IT tycoon in sneakers, or for a wealthy rapper decked out in the gaudy haberdashery of a grand vizier from the reign of Harun al-Rashid? Surely, these are the end times.

On the other hand, I anticipate a huge jump in demand for the iron tokens among purists, so I will attempt to corner the market (these may be the end times, but there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to make a buck on ‘em).